No time to waste! Let's go!
by Semiramis-Audron
Summary: This is going to become several episodes out of Auron's life in my well known personal slightly stupid style
1. Stairs

**Disclaimer: The characters belong to Final Fantasy X, not to me, especially not Auron. sob**

**Please review it!**

**Personal opinion:**

**You can take Auron out of an ass-kicking video game, but you can't take the ass-kicking out of Auron. :P**

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Chapter one: Stairs

-

"Lord Braska, we should rest here. It's a good place to built up the tents and spent the night." Jecht gasped unbelieving as he heard what Auron proclaimed.

"Oh c'mon not again! I need a bed! A real bed, ya know these things? These things with the mattress and the plume filled pillows that are softer... well softer as the pure floor?" Auron looked at him, shook his head and inner sighed.

"You're a guardian, sissy! You better get used to this way of spending the night! We're resting here!" He said and let his gear fall onto the yellowish-brown grass.

"Auron..." Braska stood there underneath the only tree, in the only shadow within one mile.

"Yes Lord Braska, Sir?" Auron, obedient as always looked now somehow more than a saluting soldier than like a guardian.

"I'd prefer sleeping in a bed, too. And you see... I know there's an inn not far away from here. We could be there before it's getting dark." Auron nodded. If Braska wanted it that way, then it was ok. He ignored Jecht's triumphant view and caught up his baggage. Jecht passed Auron and opened his grinning mouth.

_"Shut up Jecht! Or else...!" _He was hissed at by the former monk.

-

"I'm sorry Summoner Braska, but we only have two vacant rooms." The guy at the counter looked quite excusing. It was a damn hot and sticky day and it seemed to Auron that it was much colder outside than inside this guest house...

"Oh that's no problem! My guardians can share one room." Auron regretted that they hadn't rested at the place he proposed.

"But err... Summoner Braska... this is a room for... couples, it's a double bed." Jecht and Auron looked at each other, unpleasantly, disagreeing, and nauseated of this option.

"Oh please Lord Braska... You know he's snoring like an ogre!" Braska laughed and imitated Auron's voice.

"You're a guardian, sissy! You better get used to this way of spending the night!" Jecht nearly suffocated on his laughter, while Auron grabbed his stuff and marched to their room, slightly sulky.

"Don't be too harsh with Auron, Jecht. He's a good chap, and I think he likes you even if it seems the other way round!" Braska had a big problem with these guys. How could they do their job as his guardians when they were occupied with clashing all the time?

"Ah Braska, I know he likes me! But what ya think would make ponytail-lass like me more?" Braska sighed and walked into his own room. But before...

"Probably if you would stop calling him that way!" Jecht shrugged and strolled to their room.

"Ya can't take all the fun out of my life, ya know!"

-

"C'mon Auron!"

"No, Jecht!"

"Ah! Just a little bit!"

"No!"

"Only two pints!"

"No!"

"Well it won't hurt ya, ya know!"

"No!"

"T'is an inn, Braska is safe and sound here! Ya can have a drink wi me!"

"No!"

"T'is just alcohol, nothing evil!"

"I said NO for Yevon's sake!"

"C'mon I invite you!"

"Argh! Am I speaking Al Bhed, or what! Which letter in the word NO don't you understand!"

"Oh I understand ya very well. I'm just saying I won't stop until ya gonna drink wi me!"

"So what's ya decision?"

"Promise that you won't speak to me until tomorrow then?" Jecht nodded.

"Then... Let's go!"

-

"And then... I puked into the water!" Jecht's face was tomato red and Auron couldn't stop himself from laughing. He coughed and spilled his drink over the counter.

"During da game? Emparasin!"

"Err what?" Jecht took another swig from his drink. (his tenth)

"Em...**hic** Emparass... Ah... Embarrassing! **Hic** Gosh!" Obviously Jecht was much more used to booze-ups than Auron.

"Oh fellow! I'll gonna make a damn good carouser out of ya!" Jecht grinned and ordered two more drinks onto Auron's bill actually.

"You know, Jecht?" Auron got slightly sentimental. "You're my o... only friend! Damn Braska! It's always Auron do this, Auron do that, Auron save me from that fiends, Auron kill that beast!" He put his arm around Jecht's shoulder.

"He never asks what he could do for me! Unlike you! You are my friend Jecht, aren't you!" He didn't even let him answer and drivelled on.

"Ah Jecht you're so nice to me and I'm always rebuking you! I'm a bad human! No don't speak! I am, I know that I am!" He began sobbing onto Jecht's shoulder. There are three types of inebriates: those who get aggressive, those who get really freaky cheery and those who get depressive. Obviously Auron's one of the last types... or he just had a bad day.

"I mean, you're a caring father and a loving husband and what am I? I'm as stubborn as a Ronso and as vain as a Guado!" Jecht tried to calm him down a bit, gladly there had been no others in the bar anymore that would have seen Auron wailing in medium alcoholic intoxication.

And then suddenly Auron stopped talking and took a kip.

"Well... I think we gonna get to bed now, what ya think ponytail-lass?"

-

With a terrible hangover Auron woke up like from the death, the next morning. Jecht snored on the floor, Auron grinned. Hadn't he said he wanted to sleep in the bed? Probably he kicked him out at night, he always had some sort of hyperactive sleep. Slowly Jecht woke, too and got up from the ground scratching his back. Auron gasped and stared at the ceiling.

"Jecht! For Yevon's sake! Get some clothes on!" Jecht yawned with drowsy eyes.

"Ya' re the right one to say that..." Auron shuddered, lifted his blanket, glimpsed and blushed.

"Man you dun have to be ashamed! Ya and me we're damn gorgeous guys!" Slowly an unvoiced chill crept up Auron's back...

"You... You didn't... I mean we didn't... Did we? Please don't tell me we..." He felt quite uncomfortable as he had a complete blackout of last night...

"Huh? What ya mean?" Jecht shrugged carefree, Auron's face turned pale and he felt a bit sick.

"Please tell me that we did not do that! These... unnatural... things that... men do... sometimes when they're... loaded... or when they fancy shopping... Please tell me we didn't!" Jecht roared in laughter and wrapped a towel round his hips.

"Oh ya mean that. Nah... I would remember giving ya' a good, hard bang! Well, if ya dun mind I'll get myself a shower now." Auron nodded sort of relieved and let his feet touch the slightly cold floor. When he stood up a thumping sting hit the lower end of his spine and he had some difficulties in walking, actually every step was a little torture.

"Jecht? We really didn't?" From out of the bathroom he heard something like: "I told ya, no!" through the sound of the water.

"THEN WHY'S MY GODDAMN BUM HURTING LIKE HELL?" Auron wasn't really angry and he wasn't really frightened he was sort of in between. Jecht stuck his head out of the shower.

"Dun ya remember? Ya've been totally smashed and then ya fell down the stairs!" He stuck his head back and Auron thought about this possibility. He decided that this was the best explanation (and the one less disquieting ).

Braska was already breakfasting when the two met him again. He was wondering a bit about Auron's strange walk. Afterwards they got their stuff together and headed to continue their pilgrimage. They had just left the inn when Braska decided to ask. And as Jecht was walking at the head, Auron explained that he had fallen down the stairs. Braska looked at him with an odd face and raised an eyebrow.

"You do believe me, that I've fallen down the damn stairs, don't you?" Auron was unable to interpret the expression on Braska's face.

"Ahem... Auron... Which stairs?" He point with his head past Auron to the inn.

Auron swirled round... his eyes widened, his pupils narrowed and he gulped hard.

-

The guest house had just a first floor!

-

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**Note:**

**Inspired by Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis in"The Whole Nine Yards 2" and a wonderful little pic I found a while ago... in a final fantasy hentai livejournal... so you can guess:P**

**Note two:**

**If I will continue this it will not just be Auron's, Jecht's and Braska's pilgrimage, but little episodes of several parts of Auron's life and the bit where he's not really alive.**


	2. Sizzzzzle

Chapter two: Sizzzzzzle

"Auron, Jecht, everyone ready? We're going to cross the thunder plains, today."

"Err... I think we should buy some more stuff... potions you know... In case we're hit by lightning." Jecht regarded Auron, somehow he behaved strange this morning... Braska nodded.

"Ok, Auron but hurry up. I don't know how long we will need and I want to be in a save place when it's getting night."

An hour later they stood at the beginning of the thunder plains, it was raining, the wind wiped into their faces and lightning flashed down almost every second.

"Well, now I know why it's called the thunder plains..." Jecht said as a roaring rumble stroke the air, he gulped.

"Good. Then let's get through this as fast as possible." Braska shouted at them, as the thunder was too loud, and marched forwards. Jecht followed him... just Auron procrastinated...

"Huh? Auron are ya comin or not?" Jecht looked at him and walked back, as Braska did.

"Auron, is something wrong? You're a bit pale." The Summoner was slightly worried about his otherwise very self-confident guardian.

"It's nothing... I just... I think I've forgotten something in Guadosalam... ahem... We should go back, shouldn't we?" A wide grinning appeared on Jecht's face.

"I see... Hey Braska! Ponytail-lass got damn funk of the big bad plains! He's nearly pissing into his panties!" Auron blushed and shouted at Jecht.

"I'M NOT! I'M NOT AFRAID! I just don't want to be deep-fried by one of those!" He pointed at a lightning which immediately carbonised a kaktor that went astray.

"Ah c'mon! Ya' re timid! Ya're twitching whenever there's thunder!" Jecht started laughing, while Auron knotted his fists.

"And if I am? It's nothing wrong about holding dear to one's life! And you can't tell me that you are NOT afraid!" Jecht looked down onto his feet, that was a point for Auron.

"And you know what? I'm afraid, too. But we have to cross it to get to the Macalania forest! Please friends, let's go... As fast as we' re passing it, as soon we'll be through it." Auron and Jecht looked at him, they nearly had forgotten Braska was with them. They nodded and walked on.

Braska led the group, then Auron and Jecht was the end. They had been marching for a while, Auron still extremely nervous, when Jecht had a fantastic idea. He behaved quite silent and then, without warning, slapped Auron onto the shoulder. Terrible idea!

Auron yelled out, jumped up and crashed into Braska, then he fell backwards and rested on the ground heavy breathing, staring with eyes wide opened into the stormy sky. Jecht was rolling with laughter.

"...MAN!... Do you want to kill me? I think... I've got a... heart attack... Moron!... Uhh I'm feeling sick." Braska shot a rebuking glance at Jecht, who immediately helped up Auron and apologised his behaviour, though rather questionable as he was still snickering.

"I hope you get fried crispy! You deserve it!" Auron pushed him away and followed Braska. Jecht ran after them.

"C'mon Auron! Don't be so unforgiving! I just tried to cheer ya up a bit! To distract ya from the weather!" Auron shook his head but secretly he smiled, slightly.

"I can renounce your solicitude! Just try to warn me when you're noticing some lights!" And they walked on.

"Auron watch out! There comes a..."

"AAAHHH!" sizzle

"Err... lightning... I'm sorry!" Braska and Jecht ran to the smouldering coal that was Auron.

"Are you ok?" He stood up and knocked off the dirt.

"Sure, I'm your guardian! A little electricity won't knock me out!" Though he still twitched when five seconds later next to them a lightning conductor was hit.

"Hey Auron... Ya could record a bit of this for my son! I bought some new spheres. That'd turn ya mind from the storm!" Auron sighed and took Jecht's shoulder bag with the spheres.

They walked on and after some minutes they rested at the bottom of a lightning conductor.

Auron switched on the sphere and recorded the surroundings.

"Hey hold it steady!" He tried to find Jecht with the sphere, he still had some problems with concentrating on the reality and the little pics in front of his eyes.

"Why am I doing this?" He shook his head and turned the sphere off. Jecht walked around a bit and convinced Auron to continue. He switched the sphere on again, this time he had Braska in his field of vision.

"What'd you see there, my Lord?" Braska roused from his thoughts like from a dream and shortly looked at Auron.

"Oh I was just... thinking..." Different from Auron, he turned his eyes on Jecht who was wandering in circles slightly around the lightning conductor.

"This is important! No foolin around! You're gonna spoil it!" Suddenly a lightning flashed up and blinded Auron. All he heard was Jecht.

"WHOAH!" He whirled round to catch the place of action. There behind the conductor Jecht kneeled still smoking.

"Oh... oahhh... " Auron walked over to him, recording everything and grinning.

"Are you alright?" Again Braska was worried about one of his guardians being fried. Auron chortled, wasn't that what he deserved?

"Now there's a scene for posterity!" He walked over to him and thanked praised Yevon for such compensative justness.

"Yeah... yeah..." Jecht wasn't as cheery as Auron but he realized it was his own fault. If he hadn't walked away from the conductor, he wouldn't have been hurt. And this time even Braska couldn't suppress his hilarity. Auron ended the recording before his laughter would shake him too much to get a clear filming.

Several snickers and barbecues later (actually around 270 as Braska thought the plains to be a good place for training), Auron had enough. He stopped where he stood and didn't move. Braska and Jecht who noticed it already wanted to ask him why he was doing this, when lightning flashed up. Auron twitched, covered his head and half a second later was jolted backwards. That was the moment when the light flashed up, nothing electrical, but realization... an idea. Auron got up and told his companions to jump, right in the moment he would give them a sign. They didn't even knew why they followed his order but they would obey.

They continued their journey and for a while nothing then fiends appeared. Then after some minutes, lightning flashed up again.

"JUMP! NOW!" Auron shouted at them and they did it. Half a second later, a light bolt burned the place where they just had stood. Both stared amazed at Auron.

"Actually it's quite simple... Light's faster then electricity... You see the light and than you have a short time to react... that's all. I think we can go through it now, without being stroked down again." With a self-satisfied smile on his lips and an enormous lack of fear, he walked on.

The thunder plains could no longer scare him!

End chapter 2.

Note: At some times in this FFX- ff I will add some sort of "scenes that we'll never see in FFX" stuff I thought of while being bored and that I didn't wanted to open a new ff for. Names will be short cut with their initial letter, beside of some special names. Oh and I like music... You'll see.

This is the first time:

Spira's Zanarkand: Our party meets Lady Yunalesca again in the chamber of fayth. They talk the first few sentences than Yunalesca notices Auron.

Yule: You? What are you doing here? I thought you had enough?

A: humms a melody HIT ME BABY, ONE MORE TIME!

--

--

Auron and Jecht are sitting at the shore of the moonflow, Braska is asking at the Shoopuf station how much it is to ferry over. Jecht tries since several minutes to pinch Auron's jug. Auron get's annoyed, while Braska is returning to them in the background.

A: Hit the road Jecht!... And don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more! Hit the road Jecht! And don't you come back no more!

J: Oh Auron! Oh Auron! Why'd you treat me so mean? You're the meanest Auron that I've ever seen!

B: Hadn't I told you: No one drinks the stuff in your jug Auron? Neither you nor him! Drunkards!

--

--

After the blitzball- match in Luca: Auron just convinced Yuna to take Tidus as her new guardian. Tidus walks over to her, falls onto his knees and rips open his waistcoat.

T: I'm a slave for you!

Y: Growl Hit me with your rhythm stick.

L to A: Don't you miss the old times when the world wasn't as spoiled as those?

A: You mean, my time as Braska's guardian?

L: No, I meant the time before. Reptiles aren't such sexaholics, and the dinosaurs you grew up with...

A: I'M ONLY 35! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT ALL MALE JAPANESE VIDEOGAME CHARACTERS OLDER THEN 29 LOOK LIKE MIDLIFE CRISIS!

W: What'd you mean with "videogame"?

A sweat drop Err...


End file.
